Finding a "Little Way" to Pray

Dear Theophilous,

Even the greatest saints suffer spiritual dryness from time to time. One of the best examples being St. Teresa of Calcutta, who suffered from a dark night of the soul that lasted for almost 50 years. If someone of Mother Teresa’s holiness had such a prolonged and laborious prayer life, then should it come as any wonder that the rest of us struggle in maintaining our own small prayer routines?

Prayer life is something I struggle with on a continual basis, a struggle I’ve reflected upon here before. There are times, very few and far between, when I feel as though I’m on top of my game; prayer comes easy and I come away feeling as though I would levitate like St. Joseph of Cupertino. Most of the time, however, I feel as though I’m simply ploughing through the routine of prayer, prattling of the words of rote prayers while my mind wanders to the troubles of the day – I’m going through the motions, but I’m really just mailing it in. And then there is the dark night of my soul, usually in the darkest and longest nights of winter, when my prayer train goes completely off the rails, and I will go for days neglecting my prayer life, my Rosary collecting dust just like the treadmill.

It was into this prayer darkness that a good friend Monica McConkey of Equipping Catholic Families recently shone a wonderful light.

Out of the blue I got a message from Monica asking me to check out her new e-book “A Little Way to Pray”, and I was moved by both her honesty with her struggles in the prayer life, and even more so by her determination to persevere in her growth in holiness. As I read Monica’s reflection a line jumped out at me, and I thought that is so me… that line so sums up my prayer struggles:

More often than not, the moments I’m overwhelmed and frustrated and in most need of prayer are the moments I forget to pray and just continue to struggle on my own.

… As I look back on my day, my week, or my month, I can see the wisdom in this one line. Monica shares the every day struggles she encounters when prayer could have (and should have) seen her through – laundry, dishes, meals and homework; and I can see all the times when prayer could have (and should have) seen me through life’s daily challenges – an unmotivated student, a difficult colleague, household chores and little time for myself. In the moments when I most needed to pray, to look to God for help, I pushed ahead on my own, got frustrated, becoming the man that God never intended me to be.

Knowing one has a problem is half the battle. Knowing that one struggles in prayer will only lead one into a deeper prayer life. Knowing that one has to hand over those troubles to God is the first step closer to Him.

In the tradition of Ste. Thérèse de Lisieux, Monica calls these little hiccups of life her Little Way to Pray, using them as prayer prompts in:

• Sinfulness
• Weakness, and
• Littleness.

This is something I’ve thought of before. Struggling with a temper that can erupt under stress, I have sought out Bible verses to recall when I can feel my blood pressure rise. I figured if I just turned to God before I hit my breaking point, then I would become the quiet, docile saint I so long to be.

Unfortunately, like every great intention, things never go according to plan. Monica shares how she did not instantly become the earthly saint she intended (something that takes great courage to admit), and I, myself, will still blow my top, only to immediately resent it, beating myself up for days with lingering resentment.

But we can’t become discouraged, nor does God want us to give up. We are called to persevere in our quest for holiness. We will never achieve sainthood in this life, but this life is to be a time of preparation for when we are ready to enter into God’s Kingdom.

In The Little Way to Pray, Monica has created a tool to help in times of prayer struggle. In the beautiful way as she always does at Equipping Catholic Families, she has created fridge posters and pocket cards of prayer prompts … those little things in life that we can use to help remind us to turn to God in difficult times, both big and small. My favourite being:

Here I am in all my littleness. Please take care of this, because I can’t.

The 5 P's of Prayer



Dear Theophilus, 

Like most people, I like having routine in my life. In fact, the older I get, the more I cling to routine to get through the day. As a Catholic school teacher, I see on a daily basis how necessary routine is for children to get through theirs. That’s why a short while ago I wrote about how we all need to have a prayer plan in place if we want our prayer life to be fruitful. If we don’t have a plan for our prayer life, a prayer routine, the wheels quickly fall off and we begin to see prayer as useless. 

In an attempt to deepen my contemplative prayer life, I came across one of my favourite prayer routines last summer reading Fr. Mitch Pacwa’s How to Listen When God is Speaking. Since reading Fr. Pacwa’s book and trying to incorporate many of his ideas into my own prayer life, I’ve done some research into the Ignatian Spirituality concept of the 5 P’sof Prayer. Although you will find a few variations that differ slightly, in a nutshell the 5 P’s are: 

Ø  Prepare

Ø  Place

Ø  Posture

Ø  Passage

Ø  Presence 

We need to prepare to pray. Although some prayer happens spontaneously; deep, spiritual contemplative prayer requires effort and preparation. This can seem daunting at first, but once you get into a prayer habit, preparing to pray will come as naturally as your spontaneous prayers. Begin by having a prayer purpose: thanksgiving for the simply things in your life, a special petition, for someone you love, in worship of God’s greatness … the list is infinite. Think of a passage in scripture that speaks to your purpose: a moment in Christ’s life (think of the Rosary Mysteries), a parable, something from the prophets; find that specific moment in scripture (our memory isn’t always true to the Word of God). Finally, have a time and place planned out for your prayer. Contemplative prayer is very different from spontaneous prayer, and where and when you prayer will have a direct effect on the fruitfulness of your prayer. 

Your place of prayer can be just as important as your prayer itself. God speaks to us in the silence, and if you find you are distracted from your prayer by your surroundings, then your entire contemplative prayer effort will be in vain. I’ve written before about finding the ideal place for prayer, but I think these ideas could bear repeating. Pick a quiet place, away from worldly distractions (television, computer, smartphone). Find a place that will elevate your thoughts towards God – in RediscoverCatholicism, Matthew Kelly writes about how church is the most ideal place to pray; they were designed and built for prayer. If you can’t make it to your church, however, I’m sure most of us can find a corner in our home or garden that is conducive to prayer. 

Although the Catholic Church teaches that there is no one ideal posture for prayer, it is important to find the proper position for your prayer. Most people relate kneeling with prayer, and although kneeling can help focus your mind on your prayer, it may not be the most suitable for longer periods of contemplative prayer. You want your posture (kneeling, sitting or prostrate) to be comfortable; yet not so comfortable that you begin to dose off (another distraction that can lead us away from prayer). I find that my posture needs to suit my prayer purpose to allow my prayers to be most effective: kneeling when in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, sitting comfortably when contemplating God’s will for my life and prostrate in those rare moments of extreme humility before the greatness of the Lord. 

Reading and meditation on a passage of scripture will help you to understand God’s will for you at this particular moment of your prayer life. If you are seeking specific guidance on a particular issue, find a verse from the Bible that speaks to that issue – use the Catechism to find the Church’s teaching on this issue, along with related Scripture verses, or simply google your prayer purpose and Bible verse. If you want to meditate more deeply on God’s will, I would suggest the daily Gospel reading – there is a reason why God has called the Universal Church to meditate on that particular reading today, leading you to unexpected and joyful revelations about His will in your life.

Finally, put yourself fully and completely into the presence of God. Prayer is the means by which we develop our personal relationship with Him. If we cannot be fully and completely present to God in prayer, when can we? Listen to what God is saying to you – it won’t be with a shout, but rather in a whisper of silence. Once you listen to what God is saying to you, you will wonder how you didn’t hear Him in the first place. This fifth P of presence flows naturally out of the other four, but is essential to bringing fruit to our prayer life.

Rediscover Catholicism Revisited



Dear Theophilus,

Just before Christmas I posted a list of my marginalia from Matthew Kelly’s book, Rediscover Catholicism. A number of people let me know that they enjoyed this peek into the wonderful insights Kelly has to offer, but that it left them wanting a more indepth treatment of Kelly’s ideas. I’ve been meditating on this for a while, and I hope these few thoughts will help. At the end of the day, however, what ever I have to say is no replacement for reading Rediscover Catholicism yourself to glean your own profound faith enrichment.

Rediscover Catholicism opens with a short story that really hits home with regards to the importance of the Mass. I don’t want to spoil the story for you, as it would ruin the impact that it has on how one approaches the Mass. Only the hardest of hearts wouldn’t be touched by Matthew Kelly’s storytelling expertise, and it will leave you with a deeper appreciation and reverence for the sacrifice of the Mass, as well as an increased conviction to not only make your dominical obligation, but also to get to Mass more often.

Matthew Kelly then goes on to aptly describe what ills society today and then expound on how Catholicism offers the only valid response to this with its very counter-cultural way of life.

Kelly sees society’s problem as being three-fold: individualism, hedonism and minimalism; with the three being interrelated. As these ideas are developed in Rediscover Catholicism it’s amazing at how evident these exist subtly in society without our really even noticing. Quite correctly, Kelly remarks that we have become a society of individuals instead of a community. From the time we are born in the western world, we are told that we can become whatever we want to be; that we are entitled to success. This individualistic tendency in society then slips quite neatly into Kelly’s second ill of society – hedonism. In today’s secular driven society, everything we do seems to be geared towards our own personal pleasure. If it doesn’t bring us pleasure, especially physical, then it isn’t worth our time. It’s this question of what is worth our time that brings us to Kelly’s third and final societal ill of western secularism: minimalism. With technology racing to make our lives easier, we look to put in the least amount of effort to get the greatest amount of pleasure. It’s funny how all three – individualism, hedonism and minimalism – fit so well together in the society we have created for ourselves.

So, the question then is, how does Matthew Kelly propose that our Catholic faith can help us counter this secular movement of individualism, hedonism and minimalism? In parts 2 and 3 of Rediscover Catholicism he invites, even challenges, us to lean an Authentic Life as the Best-Version of ourselves, supported by the Seven Pillars of Catholic Spirituality.

According to Kelly, the Authentic Life that we are called by God to lead is our very own. In a world where we are bombarded with messages that we are less than the ideal; in a consumerist society where success is equated with certain styles and behaviours; in a world where personal joy is dictated to us by the mass-media; taking joy from simply being yourself is a revolutionary notion. Although many of us aspire to be like the images we see on our screens (phone, computer, television and film), Kelly points out, however, that it’s the people most comfortable in their own skin, most authentic to themselves, being the best-version of themselves that they can possibly be, that are changing the world for the better. And it ain’t easy. Throughout Rediscover Catholicism Kelly singles out examples from a variety of walks of life of people making a difference through perseverance and determination.

Are we up to the challenge?

Before we build ourselves up; before we can start becoming an authentic, best-version of ourselves; we need to strip away our secular tendencies of individualism, hedonism and minimalism. This seems a daunting task, running against society’s accepted current of thought, so this is exactly when we need to lean most upon the Seven Pillars of our Catholic faith for support.

Matthew Kelly lists these Seven Pillars of Catholic spirituality as: Confession, Daily Prayer, The Mass, The Bible, Fasting, Spiritual Reading and the Rosary. From my own experience I c an attest that they provide a valid path to meet the secular world head on, but that they also need to be incorporated into our spiritual life gradually, otherwise we risk overwhelming ourselves and being tempted to once again fall into the world’s minimalist trap.

Reworking the ideas Kelly puts forward would involve more time and space than this blog permits. However, to give you, dear Theophilus, some idea of how our Catholic spirituality can help us be counter-cultural in today’s world, I’ll relate some of my own experiences in searching to be an authentic best-version of myself since reading Rediscover Catholicism (just remember that I’m taking this journey gradually, that I may be at a different stage of the journey than you, and that what works for me, may not be what’s right for you to become the best-version of yourself).

Confession

Admittedly, participating in the sacrament of Reconciliation (confession) is one of the hardest things to do. That said, once you get into the practice of making a good and regular confession, there is nothing more liberating. The trick is getting yourself back in the confessional (yes, you have to go, it’s not something that can be done personally on your sofa – more on that as the subject of another blog post). Once you find the spiritual rejuvenation of making confession, the next challenge is making a good confession. To do this I’m continually looking for and redeveloping my examination of conscience – those questions I ask myself before going to confession, making an honest evaluation of how I’m doing as a sinner. I find 5 minutes isn’t enough for this, and spend most of the day reflecting on what I need to confess before entering the confessional. What I’ve found happening over the months that I’ve been doing this is that I automatically make a small examination of conscience before making a decision on how to act in many different circumstances – and there are times I find I catch the sin long before it happens, helping me to be a much better version of myself and a better witness to Christ in the world.

Daily Prayer

I’ve written before about how I’ve started spending 10 minutes of silence every morning in front of the Blessed Sacrament as a way to start my day, laying all of my fears and challenges at the feet of Christ. I’m lucky that I have this opportunity. In the 2 months that I’ve been doing this, I find I can meet the problems of the day with a certain serenity, knowing that God, through the Holy Spirit, will guide my heart and mind. What I’ve been finding recently is that my daily conversation with God is lasting longer than the prescribed 10 minutes without me realizing that the time is passing.

The Mass

Matthew Kelly ponders rhetorically on the fanatical devotion that orthodox Muslims would show if they believed that they could touch and receive Allah in the Eucharist. When you think about it that way, you begin to wonder why Catholics seem take the Mass for granted. Heightening your knowledge and understanding of the Eucharist is one way to deepen your love for the Mass, but there is so much more to the Mass that simply receiving the Eucharist (otherwise the Mass would resemble more of a drive-thru as the faithful line up to receive their weekly offering). The liturgy of the word is just as deep as the liturgy of the Eucharist, and calls for a similar kind of approach and reverence. Preparing my mind for the readings ahead of time (reading the scripture selections before Mass) and searching for a personal meaning in scripture also helps me to ‘Go forth and proclaim the Good News’ once the Mass is over. Between preparing for and going forth from the Mass, the Mass has become a week-long event instead of just a Sunday’s hour-long obligation.

Spiritual Reading

I have a confession to make. Outside of the readings at Mass, I’m not in the habit of reading scripture on a regular basis. This said, I do come into contact with scripture through my other readings. To deepen our knowledge and understanding of our Catholic faith we need to feed it with books on the faith. This isn’t a call to dig deep into theological tomes, again, you will want to start gradually (Rediscover Catholicism would be a great place to start). There are many books on diverse themes in a variety of styles that there is something for everyone (I would suggest perusing what’s on offer at Catholic Chapter House). If reading isn’t your style, ask your cable television provider about subscribing to Salt & Light or EWTN, or the surf the web to sites like CatholicMinistryTV.

The Rosary

When I needed help getting my prayer life started, I found the Rosary to be a great tool. It’s portable, so you can pray it anywhere (for me, it’s while I’m walking the dog), but it also gives you a strong catechism based framework from which to meditate on the beauty of God’s love. I find the repetitive nature of the Rosary allows me to focus on the mysteries presented each day, as well as to focus on any petitions I might have for friends, family or the world. Keeping these petitions in mind, along with my knowledge of God’s love, I find I interact with the world in a much more loving way than I did before.

The insights Kelly shares in Rediscover Catholicism are profound. His perception as to how Catholicism in its sheer simplicity can play a vital role in righting society shakes our current secular belief system to its core. By identifying how Catholicism can help us become an authentic best-version of ourselves, not only can we rejuvenate our faith in Catholic spirituality, we will also strengthen our resolve to help society become the best-version of itself.

Listening in Silence



Dear Theophilus,

The Advent season calls us to stop and take the time to reflect on the Saviour’s coming at Christmas. Finding a moment or two of silence in December to contemplate on this great mystery seems to be almost mission impossible. With the constant bombardment of holiday music (not always Christmas music) over store sound systems, the continual shill of television commercials telling us what we need to find under the tree on Christmas morning, along with the incessant chatter of children hyped up on Christmas treats and the promise of all their little dreams being fulfilled – it really is a wonder that we are able to keep our thoughts straight – let alone our sanity intact. On top of all the seasonal noise is the constant hum that the modern world gives us via our smart phones, iPods, the internet, cable TV, satellite radio … the list of distractions seems endless. But to truly appreciate the Advent season and our relationship with God, we need to seek out silence, because it is only in silence that we can truly listen to the word of God speaking in our hearts.

So often we say that we can’t hear God in our lives, but do we know where to listen for Him? Are we allowing God to speak to us in the way He wants to be heard? How do we know how God wants to speak to us? When we turn to the Bible, we can easily see that God speaks to us in the simplicity of silence.

When God spoke to Abram (and later as Abraham), calling him to leave his home for the Promised Land or to sacrifice his son, Abraham was usually alone or with only his son (cf.: Gen 12 and Gen 22). Whenever God wanted to speak with Moses, Moses would leave the Israelite camp to climb, alone and in silence, up Mount Sinai (cf.: Ex 19). When the Lord called to Samuel, he was lying quietly in the Temple (cf.:1 Sam 3).

The same kind of examples can also be found throughout the New Testament as well. When the angel of the Lord told Zechariah that Elizabeth was expecting a son, it was in the silence of the Holy of Holies, and when Zechariah wouldn’t believe the angel, he was struck mute until John the Baptist was born. (cf.: Lk 1:5-20). Whenever Jesus wanted to talk to his heavenly Father, he always sought him out in silence solitude, whether it was the 40 days in the desert to start his ministry (cf.: Mt 4); when the crowds followed him after his miracles, he would withdraw to deserted places to pray. (Lk 5:16); and on his final earthly evening, in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus left his disciples to go a few paces further to pray in silence. (cf.: Mt. 26:36-46, Lk 22:39-46). Even the final book of the Bible, the Revelation to St. John, was revealed when the evangelist found himself secluded on the Island of Patmos. (Rev 1:9)

How can we find silence amongst all of the distractions that our busy world throws at us? Silence isn’t to be found in today’s world, rather we need to create it. It should come as no coincidence then, that discipline and disciple are derived from the same root word. We need to discipline ourselves to be able to create more silence in our lives.

In his book Rediscover Catholicism, Matthew Kelly challenges us to spend at least 10 minutes a day in silent conversation with God. Ideally, he tells us, we should try to do this in a church – preferably our own parish. As churches are designed for contemplative prayer and Eucharistic adoration, they will provide the optimal surroundings for a silent 10 minutes with the Lord. Personally, I started following Kelly’s advice this week, spending 10 silent minutes in the school chapel before the start of the day. Although I find it hard to settle my mind, I find it reassuring to put my troubles before God, asking his guidance in how to best make my way through the coming day.

Matthew Kelly realizes that spending 10 minutes in a silent church every day isn’t always possible. We need to carve this silence out at other times and in other places. Some suggestions might be to try waking up 10 minutes earlier to sit quietly in your favourite chair, leaving your mp3 at home when you go for your daily run or take 10 minutes of silent contemplation at your desk before heading to the staff room for lunch.

Like I said, I’ve been finding it hard to get my mind to settle these first few days, but I’m also finding that my focus is getting better. It’s funny, but it’s the concerns that my mind wanders to that I find I need to place before the Lord, and by the end of the 10 minutes, I find I’ve got a plan on how to deal with them that not only solves my trivial problems, but also allows me to live God’s will. When you find you mind wandering, offer these distractions to God, allowing Him to guide your actions to do His will.

If you stick with it, I think that, like me, you will be pleasantly surprised to find how 10 minutes a day of listening to God in the silence, what H whispers to you can bring hours of peace to your life.